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Once you've been with your partner for a minute, it can sometimes feel like you've talked about everything. You've told your stories, you've shared your dreams, and you've muttered a few words about what you'd like to eat for dinner.
Now, you feel like you literally have nothing creative, interesting, or important left to say — and the silence is deafening. So, what do you do next? This moment can certainly be a turning point in a long-term relationship, but there is no need to fret — especially since the more you worry about coming up with something new to saythe harder it'll be. Josh Klapowa clinical psychologist, tells Bustle. It's also OK to talk about the same thing more than once.
Klapow says it's very natural to have ups and down in a long-term relationship, including moments of boredom, and that it's rarely a of deeper problem. But there are ways to remedy it all the same. If you'd like to chat about fun things, here are a few ways to start up a conversation with your partner, even if it feels like you've already talked about everything.
If it feels like your conversations have screeched to a halt, try stirring up a healthy debate. Marlene Carosellian author and speaker, tells Bustle. Or throw out a fun topic — like, "do you think aliens exist? If you both agree, cool. But if you don't, it'll quickly turn into some fun banter. And who knows? You might even learn something new about each other. This is a conversation you can have every single day. So if you aren't already in the habit, consider sharing your highs and lows after you've spent time apart.
How was work? What went well? What didn't? As Christie Tcharkhoutian, LMFTa d marriage and family therapist says, this simple discussion will deepen your connection, stay on the sameand ultimately help you weather life's ups and downs as a couple. When was the last time you checked in with each other about your future? If it's been a minute, talk about what you'd like to do in the next year, five years, etc. On the flip side, the past is also an untapped source for good stories.
So, while you've likely covered the basics, try to delve deeper by sharing childhood secrets or telling old family stories. Have you ever played the question game? It's simple, since all it involves is you guessed it! There is, however, a twist or two, Dan Munroa confidence and relationship coach, tells Bustle.
It's like truth or dare Of course, it's OK to say no and to keep secrets to yourself, if that's what you'd prefer to do. No one ever said you have to be a complete open book, just because you're in a relationship. But this game will help build a sense of closeness between you, if you trust each other with a secret or two. If you can't shake the nagging feeling you've "run out of things to say," Munro says it's often a you're keeping your cards too close to your chest, and not letting each other in. So go ahead and get real. Ask how your partner feels, right this moment.
What would they like to work on in your relationship? What's bothering them? The more honest and open you are, the better your relationship will feel. In the same vein, consider sharing "random" thoughts and emotions, even if they don't seem conversation-worthy. As Munro says, the "noise inside your head" can be quite interesting. And since it's always changing, you technically can't run out of things to say. Of course, this doesn't mean blurting out hurtful things, or talking just for the sake of talking. Instead, it's about pulling inspiration from your inner dialogue — your daydreams, thoughts, concerns, etc.
Bring it all to the surface, and see where the conversation le. This is a topic you should be chatting about regularly, to make sure you're both happy and on the same. But it's also fun to share your fantasies, especially if you've never talked about them before. So, talk about it: Are you both fulfilled?
Do you want to try something new? It may feel awkward at first, but questions like these can spark a healthy convo that you've probably never had before. If your partner could change one thing from their past, what would it be? What would they do differently, if they could go back in time? As a bonus, it'll help you make better decisions as a couple going forward.
By knowing what your partner regrets, you can work together as a couple to ensure history doesn't repeat itself. Similarly, you can learn more about each other's pasts by chatting about regrets. So, when the mood is right, share your biggest mistakes and missed opportunities with each other, and it might just open How to keep a phone conversation going with your boyfriend door to some pretty heartfelt discussions.
As Bennett says, "It can be a great way to be vulnerable with each other. Life can certainly feel monotonous when you're following the same schedule day in and day out. So make a point of shaking things up. Or, go out on your own for an evening. Part ways and visit friends, try a solo hobby, or simply spend some time alone. When you meet up again, you'll both have plenty to discuss.
Ask about heroes, or people or things that influence your partner, including family members, favorite authors, political figures, etc. It's easy to get stuck in a career field for the paycheck, instead of for the passion. So ask what would your partner do if money was no object? From there, consider ways to support each other in taking steps towards a more ideal job, if possible.
If either of you feels stuck in life or in your relationship, going back to school or making a career change might be just what you need to feel inspired again. Another way to break out of a conversation rut is by trying to make each other laugh, Risa Williams, LMFTa therapist and life coach, tells Bustle. When you've succumb to boredom, or are in a stodgy routine, it's easy to just go through the motions without keeping an eye out for funny moments.
But they're always there. Make a point of bringing levity back into your day by telling funny stories, joking around with each other, and making witty observations. Chances are you did this all the time when you first started dating, so bring it back! Another way to make each other laugh? Fess up to your embarrassing moments, whether they happened five minutes ago, or five years ago, Leina Rodriguez, LMFTa d marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. Not only is it fun to lightly rib each other after a screw up, Rodriguez says "it can also help you learn how your partner overcomes [their mistakes], or if they have a hard time letting go.
When in doubt, turn to the trusty internet for some couple-y questions, as a way of finding new things to talk about, Sarit Fassazadeh, LCSWa d clinical social worker, tells Bustle. Start with the 36 questions that lead to love, from The New York Times. You might also turn it into ritual to answer one night a week while eating dinner, as a way of checking in and reconnecting.
Annestedt, LCSWa d clinical social worker, tells Bustle, while also helping you step out of a boring routine. Because really, who doesn't love game night?
How often do you watch a show together, then turn off the TV and go your separate ways? If you answered "always," you're missing out on a prime opportunity to talk about what you just watched, Alysha Perlman, LCSWa d clinical social worker, tells Bustle. Since couples historically dislike talking about moneychances are you haven't discussed finances lately — if at all. So if you're at a loss for what to talk about, this might be your ticket. In fact, she recommends setting monthly "budgeting dates" to check in and see how you're both feeling about things you split or share as a couple, like a t savings or bills.
There will be moments of silence in your relationship, as well as moments of great conversation and deeper discussions. Find a balance between the three, don't force it, and chances are you'll never run out of things to say. Josh Klapowa clinical psychologist. Marlene Caroselliauthor and speaker. Anjani Amladi, MDboard-certified adult psychiatrist. Dan Munroconfidence and relationship coach. Stef Safranrelationship expert. Jonathan Bennettrelationship and dating expert. Ashley L.How to keep a phone conversation going with your boyfriend
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How To Keep A Conversation Going With A Boy To Get To Know Him Better