Added: Charise Ivory - Date: 03.10.2021 15:14 - Views: 27215 - Clicks: 9023
Rekindle passion in your marriage. Jason and Kendra have been married for 12 years and have three children. By all s, Kendra and Jason were passionate during the early years of their marriage. However, over the last few years, their sex life has dwindled and they rarely spend time together without their children. Kendra seeks out Jason for sexual intimacy and Jason often pulls away. According to experts, the most common reason couples lose their passion for each other and stop being sexually intimate is a pursuer-distancer pattern that develops over time.
A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. In The Science of TrustDr. Gottman explains that couples who want to rekindle their passion and love need to turn towards each other. Practicing emotional attunement can help you stay connected even when you disagree. This means turning toward one another by showing empathy, instead of being defensive. Both partners need to talk about their feelings in terms of positive needinstead of what they do not need. According to Dr.
Gottman, expressing a positive need is a recipe for success for both the listener and the speaker because it conveys complaints and requests without criticism and blame. During the early phase of marriage, many couples barely come up for air due to the excitement of falling in love. Scientists have discovered that oxytocin a bonding hormone released during the initial stage of infatuation causes couples to feel euphoric and turned on by physical touch. It actually works like a drug, giving us immediate rewards that bind us to our lover.
Holding hands, hugs, and tender touch are great ways to affirm your love for your partner. Physical affection sets the stage for sexual touch that is focused on pleasure. Sex therapist and educator Dr. Micheal Stysma recommends that you set a goal of doubling the length of time you kiss, hug, and use sensual touch if you want to improve your marriage.
Sexual attraction is hard to maintain over time. For instance, Kendra and Jason lack passion because they are unwilling to give up control and show vulnerability.
As a result, they avoid sex and rarely touch each other. Maybe you are denying your partner or coming on too strong. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, holding handshugging, and touching can release oxytocin causing a calming sensation. Additionally, physical affection reduces stress hormones — lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol. Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before we receive it. So take your time during foreplay, share fantasies, change locations, and make sex more romantic. Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom.
Try a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. Have fun courting and practice flirting as a way to ignite sexual desire and intimacy.
Offer to give your partner a back or shoulder rub. People associate foreplay with sexual intercourse, but affectionate touch is a powerful way to demonstrate and rekindle passion even if you are not a touchy-feely person. Share your innermost wishes, fantasies, and desires with your partner. Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other. Look at sex as an opportunity to get to know your partner better over time. Have gentle, loving-tender, intimate, and highly erotic sex. Break up the routine and try new things as sexual needs change. Set the mood for intimacy before TV or work dulls your passion.
A light meal along with your favorite music and wine can set the stage for great sex. The good news is that allowing your partner to influence you can reignite the spark you once enjoyed. In fact, Dr. Gottman reminds us that friendship is the glue that can hold a marriage together:. Even if you are not a touchy-feely person, increasing physical affection and emotional attunement can help you to sustain a deep, meaningful bond.
Learn how to make your relationship work in the first Gottman Relationship Coach program. For more ideas on how to rekindle the passion in your relationship, subscribe to The Gottman Relationship Blog below:. Follow Terry on TwitterFacebookand movingpastdivorce. Search for:. Foster Emotional Intimacy A good sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. Change your pattern of initiating sex Maybe you are denying your partner or coming on too strong. Hold hands more often According to author Dr. Allow tension to build Our brains experience more pleasure when the anticipation of the reward goes on for some time before we receive it.
Separate sexual intimacy from routine Plan intimacy time and avoid talking about relationship problems and household chores in the bedroom.
Carve out time to spend with your partner Try a variety of activities that bring you both pleasure. Focus on affectionate touch Offer to give your partner a back or shoulder rub.
Practice being more emotionally vulnerable during sex Share your innermost wishes, fantasies, and desires with your partner. Maintain a sense of curiosity about sexual intimacy Experiment with new ways to bring pleasure to each other.
Vary the kind of sex you have Have gentle, loving-tender, intimate, and highly erotic sex. Make sex a priority Set the mood for intimacy before TV or work dulls your passion.
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How to Get the Spark Back in Your Relationship