How to stop being so angry and bitter

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By: Tommaso Meli.

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Bitterness can feel worse than anger because it involves feeling helpless. Is overcoming bitterness worth the effort? Bitterness not only causes symptoms of trauma like sleeplessnessfatigue, and lack of libidoit can in the long term lead to low self-confidence, negative personality shifts, and an inability to have a healthy relationship.

Here are 12 ways to start dealing with your resentment. By: Bev Sykes. Bitterness thrives on sympathy. And often, in telling our story to others, we stop telling the truth to ourselves about what really happened and what is truly upsetting us. Ask yourself good questions to dig deeper into facts and feelings. Journalling can be a great tool here as can a counsellor who is trained at asking powerful questions.

What about the situation really upsets you when you go through it? What are the details that actually haunt you, versus what you tell your friends bothers you because they all agree it should? If you were the victim of fraud, is it losing the money that has upset you, or is really being made to look stupid that has you bitter? Are you upset your partner left you for another, or is the truth that you wanted the relationship to end but are bitter that their new partner is wealthier or more attractive than you? Re-evaluate the thing that was actually lost, too.

Do you still want it? Is it still attainable? Or is it all something you really have long since outgrown? As for that story about what happened to you — what would happen if, just or a week, or even a few days, you take a break from telling it? Telling the story of what happened to you to those whose job it is to help you, or because you are trying to find new and positive ways to deal with your situation, is one thing. But telling the story of what happened to you again and again in a negative way to everyone you meet is often a form of keeping yourself stuck in victimhood.

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It might be harder than you think to not mention what happened to you at all for some time, but give it a try. This is thought to train the brain away from entrenched patterns. Of course not all situations contain personal responsibility. If you are bitter that a loved one died in a senseless war, there is nothing you did to make that happen.

But many people who are bitter know they had a part in what took place, but are too ashamed to admit to it. Remember, the point of acknowledging your responsibility in what transpired is not to blame yourself, which is counterproductive, but to reclaim your personal power. By: Tsahi Levent-Levi. Did you ignore warning s and jump into an unwise relationship?

Spying on the person who triggered your upset is really a form of self-torture that involves comparing yourself to others unfavourably, and inevitably it lowers self-esteem. Spying on others can also be addictive. If you feel out of control, you might want to talk to your GP who can refer you to a counsellor for a round of cognitive behavioural therapy CBT.

Bitterness often is a perfect disguise for a fear of change or of failing. Is it possible you are holding on to your bitterness about money when you could work on your confidence, take a student loan, and get on with your dreams? Fake forgiveness can be a way of just denying how you feel, or even hold you back from processing emotions and situations.

Finding ways to reframe what happened in ways that show yourself compassion can be a great release. Bitterness is a hard thing for anyone to get over, and sometimes the strongest thing you can do is admit you need help.

You might want to try a round of compassion-focussed therapya new kind of psychotherapy exclusively geared to help you be easier on yourself. By: jeronimo sanz.

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In other words, it lives in the past and the future. Get into the now moment by concerning yourself with current opportunities and goals that are about you and a positive future. One of the best techniques for staying now centred is mindfulness. A tool now used by many therapists with their clients, it trains you to constantly check in with your feelings, become conscious of the thoughts that are distracting you, and learn to notice the good things right in front of you.

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Bitterness tends to fade in the face of excitement and joy — in other words, new and better experiences. Explore a longtime interest, re-connect with others, choose some new things to put into your life. Bitterness is a powerful tide, and best intentions to do things like try new things and be mindful can soon be caught in its tug. The way around this is to not just make big goals, but also small goals every morning that keep you on the road away from bitterness.

From meditating for ten minutes to doing the research to find three possible schools that offer the language course you are interested in, make sure your goals are achievable. Feeling a failure is the opposite of what you want here.

A mood of embitterment can have us seeing life from a very narrow perspective indeed. A great coaching tool to help you move forward in life is to imagine what the situation you are struggling with would look like from a different viewpoint entirely. Read our piece on How to Change Your Perspective for some great advice on seeing your life in all new ways. Yes, we keep saying it. But the truth is that bitterness can be quite the battle to move on from.

And sometimes the strongest tactic and easiest way forward is to accept help. If your friends and loved ones are great listeners with no agenda, perfect. To find a trained therapist onlinevisit harleytherapy. Why not share it below? If you are a journalist writing about this subject, do get in touch - we may be able to comment or provide a pull quote from a professional therapist. Get a life and stop being so horrible to people who come to work and not play your stupid childish games.

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Grow up! It sounds like you are very frustrated. We are glad that you have moved on to another job, but if you are still thinking about the people at the past one, it sounds like they have really triggered something within. Is this a pattern at all? Do you often feel angry and frustrated? I have been trying to let go of bitterness, and it seems all of my coping skills are exhausted. I have been hit with major health issues one after the other for decades: crohns disease, a brain tumor, epilepsy, sinus surgeries, to name a few.

I also have problems with mental illness and cognitive problems from the tumor. I am bitter when I see people enjoying all they are able to take for granted. What would happen if you just stopped comparing yourself to anyone? To a single soul? What if, just for today, or even just for half of today, you only compared yourself to you?

How much of a relief would it be to just stop the comparison to everyone else? And to just see how you are doing today compared to other worse days, and give yourself some credit? What is most worrisome reading this is the total lack of connection to anyone else at all.

I know it can seem easier, to just cut off, but connection is now proven by research to be healing and pretty darned necessary to survive down here. Do you have a hobby that you can connect with people over, even if just behind a computer screen in forums where your privacy is protected?

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Or, could you find a support group for those with illness locally? Usually free, they are a chance to connect with others who have similar experiences. As for having no money, there is still support available. Read our article on free or low cost counselling for ideas. We offer a complete easy to read free guide here. I got divorced nine years ago.

My ex husband cheated throughout our marriage and was emotionally abusive making How to stop being so angry and bitter feel worthless. We have three daughters. He has never paid me any maintenance. I left with nothing and still struggle financially. It just seems so unfair. I really want to let go of this bitterness. It definitely sounds unfair, too! Sometimes bitterness lingers when we let people overstep boundaries that we do have power to set.

And it certainly helps self esteem to set boundaries, which is never a bad thing! I find that my days are filled with endless bitterness, despondency and apathy. I am over 40, never married and no children — all of which I dreamed out, and prayed for, and fully anticipated my entire adult life. I guess my bitterness lies in the fact that I had NO control over finding a suitable mate or having children with that mate. I honestly feel I did everything the best I could; ie. I grieve for my unborn children and cannot endure social media, even though I sometimes self-torture, seeing my friends and families kids grow up and even some becoming grandparents when I never even got the opportunity to have.

I feel lost and honestly am finding it hard to see the point of life with no legacy and no heirs. I have been a good person for a majority of my life, I make jokes, I am easy to talk to, and I have a good soul, but I am so bitter from all the people who hurt me. I have gotten to a point where I literally say I hate people, and prefer to have no connection at all, I have even stopped believing in showing love and compassion to people as well, not a sociopath btw. I hate what these associates did to me and I just want to know, what should I do, to guard myself from feeling like this?

Psychotherapy has a different viewpoint. It would believe that you have these feelings as you have had difficult experiences in life and were perhaps also not bought up in an environment where you felt accepted and loved no matter what your emotions.

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This leaves to repress emotions and feel resentful, and this continues into adulthood. You are not flawed, you are just a person who has had confusing messages in life and now feels angry and maybe alone. You probably also have a wonderful kind side. We all consist of all emotions, no matter how mixed up they can all be. The secret is to develop self-compassion, to learn to accept yourself, and to learn how to release your feelings. When there is a backup of emotions that is controlling our lives, it is of course highly recommended to seek support as it might be a lot to unravel alone.

Could you find a counsellor or therapist to talk to? It can be a huge relief to have a safe, nonjudgemental environment to let all the things stuck inside come out. The reason why i got to see this site. This is some very honest sharing, thank you, Angela. And good for you for being so honest. The last thing you need is someone telling you to be grateful for what you do have, or to try mindfulness, etc. What might help instead is just finding support to really go deeply into instead of away from this rage, sadness, and deep sense of loss, and get to the bottom of it.

You are really in mourning by the sounds of it.

How to stop being so angry and bitter

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